We all have that one belief — the quiet whisper that says, “It’s possible for others, but not for me.”
For some, it’s about success. For others, it’s happiness, peace, or love. For me, it was love.
For years, I carried a subtle but deeply rooted belief:
“Yes, love exists — but not for me.”
That belief shaped my choices, my relationships, and even how I saw myself in the mirror. It colored how I showed up for love — both giving and receiving it — and it kept me small, afraid, and subtly resigned.
But then something shifted.
Through the simple, powerful process known as The Work by Byron Katie, I learned to question my thoughts — not as an act of force or fake positivity, but as a practice of truth.
Today, I live from a completely different space. My belief has transformed into:
“Of course me!!!”
Because love isn’t a reward. It’s not something we earn by being perfect or doing everything “right.” Love is our natural state — and the only thing that ever stands between us and it are the stories we tell ourselves.
In this post, I’ll take you through:
- What limiting beliefs really are and why they hold such power.
- How The Work by Byron Katie offers a simple but profound way to dissolve them.
- My own journey of transforming the belief “…but not me” into “Of course me!!!” — and what changed as a result.
- Practical steps so you can begin freeing yourself from your own limiting stories, right here and now.
What are limiting beliefs — really?
A limiting belief is simply a thought we’ve repeated so many times that it feels like truth.
It’s a mental program running quietly in the background, shaping how we see ourselves and what we believe we deserve.
They often sound like:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “Good things don’t last.”
- “People always leave.”
- “I can’t trust anyone.”
- “That’s possible for others, but not for me.”
What makes limiting beliefs so tricky is that they often come wrapped in logic and evidence. We can point to real experiences — the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the patterns — and say, “See? This always happens.”
But when we stop to examine them closely, something surprising happens.
We start to see that it’s not reality that limits us — it’s our unquestioned thoughts about reality.
This is where Byron Katie’s The Work comes in.
Introducing “The Work” by Byron Katie
At its core, The Work is a process of deep self-inquiry — a way to question the thoughts that cause our suffering and return to peace, clarity, and freedom.
It’s based on four deceptively simple questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you react — what happens — when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
And finally, you do the turnaround — finding new ways to see the situation by reversing the original statement.
It may sound simple, but the impact is profound.
Because when you really sit with each question — honestly, slowly, curiously — your inner world begins to shift.
You stop arguing with reality.
You stop being at war with yourself.
And the tight grip of old stories begins to loosen.
My Story: from “…but not me” to “of course me!!!”
For most of my adult life, I believed in love. I believed in soulmates, in connection, in growth, in partnership — but there was always a quiet echo in the background whispering, “…but not me.”
It showed up subtly:
- In relationships where I accepted less than I deserved.
- In the way I gave too much, thinking I had to prove my worth.
- When love didn’t work out despite my efforts I was heartbroken and frustrated and yet a part of me was like, “I told you so”.
On the surface, I seemed confident and self-aware. But inside, that belief sat like a locked door between me and the love I truly desired. Like, whatever I did, love was “clearly” not for me.
When I discovered The Work, I didn’t immediately connect it to my love life. I used it to question thoughts about stress, work, and self-worth. But one day, while journaling after a particularly painful relationship ended, the thought came up again:
“Love is possible for others, but not for me.”
So I decided to do The Work on that exact thought.
Step 1: “Is it true?”
My immediate answer was yes.
It felt true. It had always felt true.
I had evidence — years of relationships that didn’t work, partners who were emotionally unavailable, situations that ended with disappointment. My mind said, “Of course it’s true. Look at the pattern.”
But then I moved to the next question.
Step 2: “Can you absolutely know it’s true?”
This question cracked something open.
Could I absolutely know that love wasn’t possible for me?
Could I see the future?
Could I know what life still had in store for me?
The answer was a clear and honest no. Because I had experienced love. Several times. Also, throughout my life, a lot of guys had been interested in me. It was more like, the guys I liked weren´t interested in me often times. And the love experiences I did have, ended for various reasons.
In that moment, I realized I had been believing a story — not a truth.
Step 3: “How do you react — what happens — when you believe that thought?”
I closed my eyes and sat with this one.
When I believe “Love is possible for others, but not for me,” I feel immensely heavy. I withdraw. I compare myself to others and find proof that I’m lacking something. I feel behind in life. Something bad happened to “my person” and now all the rest of the guys are meant for some other woman.
Believing that thought makes me shrink. It robs me of hope, creativity, and openness. It makes me feel like despite all my efforts (and trust me, I have done it all!) It makes me want to protect myself rather than love myself.
I realized that believing this thought was not only painful — it was creating the very reality I feared.
Step 4: “Who would you be without that thought?”
I have to be honest. It took me a little while to sit with this question. It felt foreign. Then, I started seeing my past for what it truly was. Colorful. Filled with amazing relations and friendships. A determined women wanting to love someone special so badly and to be loved back the same way in return. Without that thought, I imagined myself free, open-hearted, radiant, inspiring even.
I saw myself walking through life with ease, curiosity, and faith.
Without the thought “…but not me,” I could see all the ways love already existed in my life — in my children’s laughter, in friendships, in nature, in the work I do, in myself. Also, I saw other people´s relationships in a new and more positive light. As confirmation that committed love does exist.
Love wasn’t missing. I was simply blocking it with an old belief.
The turnaround
Byron Katie’s final step is to find turnarounds — new ways to see the situation that bring more truth, not less. This part made a huge difference in my own work.
I took my original thought and flipped it:
- “Love is possible for others, and for me.”
- “Love is not possible for others, if I believe it’s not possible for me.”
- “I am possible for love.”
- “Of course me!!!”
Each turnaround revealed something powerful.
The first reminded me of inclusion — that I’m part of the “others.”
The second showed me how my beliefs about myself influence what I project outward.
And the fourth hit me straight in the heart: Of course me!!!.
I am not the exception to love. I am the expression of it.
That was the moment everything changed.
The ripple effect of a shifted belief
When I started living from “Of course me!!!”, my energy changed.
I stopped chasing love — and started being love.
I began making different choices:
- By actively turning into my own power and self love.
- Raised my own vibration.
- Started seeing my own past (love life journey) as an empowering one rather than one to be ashamed of because it didn´t fit the straight line norm.
- I set clearer boundaries.
- I stopped accepting crumbs.
- I became more open, playful, and grounded.
- I started believing that life supports me — and that love flows naturally when I’m aligned with truth.
Ironically, the moment I stopped grasping for love, it started finding me everywhere — in the small daily moments, in new friendships, and in how I felt about myself.
Because when you truly believe you are worthy of love, your world rearranges itself to match that frequency.
Why this process works
The beauty of The Work lies in its simplicity — but also in its honesty.
It’s not about forcing positive affirmations or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about sitting face-to-face with your mind, holding its hand, and saying, “Let’s look at this together.”
When you stop running from your thoughts and start questioning them, they lose their power.
You don’t have to “get rid of” limiting beliefs — you just have to see through them.
Once you see they’re not true, they can’t control you anymore.
Try it yourself: how to change a limiting belief
If you’d like to try The Work for yourself, here’s how to begin.
Step 1: Identify the stressful thought.
Write it down.
Make it specific. For example:
- “I’ll never find love.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “They don’t appreciate me.”
Step 2: Ask the four questions.
Take your time. Don’t rush. Let your heart, not your head, answer.
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you react when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
Step 3: Find the turnarounds.
Flip the statement in as many ways as you can — and look for genuine examples where each one might also be true.
This part isn’t about forcing positivity. It’s about finding what’s real and liberating.
Step 4: Feel the shift.
You’ll know you’ve found truth when you feel lighter, freer, and more at peace.
That’s the sound of your soul exhaling.
What I learned
Doing The Work taught me that beliefs are not the truth — they are filters.
When we remove the filters, love and clarity are what remain.
It also taught me that transformation doesn’t always come with fireworks. Sometimes it comes quietly — through one honest question, one moment of stillness, one sigh of relief as the mind realizes it no longer has to fight.
And the most beautiful part?
When we free ourselves from our limiting beliefs, we don’t just change our inner world — we change how we show up in the world.
I now move through life with the quiet knowing:
“Of course me.”
Not as arrogance, but as alignment.
Not as entitlement, but as truth.
Because love isn’t something we earn.
It’s something we allow.
A Closing Reflection
If you’re reading this and thinking, “But my belief feels too strong,” or “I’ve carried it for too long,” — I want you to know this:
Even the deepest belief can change the moment it’s met with awareness.
You don’t have to fix yourself. You don’t have to earn your way into love or freedom.
You just have to question the story that says you can’t have it.
So, take one belief that’s been holding you back — maybe about love, money, confidence, or your purpose — and sit with it. Ask the four questions.
Let your heart answer.
You might discover, as I did, that what you thought was your greatest limitation was really just a doorway — and on the other side of it is the truth:
Of course you.
✨ Because the moment you stop believing you’re the exception to love, you start remembering that you are love itself.
