You had envisioned the perfect love life, thriving career, financial stability, fulfilling friendships, dream home, vibrant health, and exciting adventures abroad. Yet, life had different plans for your timeline, and now you find yourself feeling lost, resistant to what is, and perhaps even frustrated or desperate.
So, how do you cope when life isn’t going as expected?
First, let me give you a virtual hug and space to cry or scream—or both! What you’re going through is incredibly hard. You may have structured your entire life around certain milestones, worked tirelessly to reach them, only to feel like you’ve been knocked back in a game of snakes and ladders. It’s disheartening, I know. I’ve experienced this firsthand in both my love life and career.
Be Honest with Yourself
Accepting reality is easier said than done. Instead of forcing acceptance, try staying open to new possibilities. Embrace an “and” instead of an “or” mindset.
Be honest about where you are right now:
- “It’s painful to have envisioned myself in a happy relationship at this point, yet I find myself single.”
- “I worked so hard for this career path, and it feels unfair that it’s not working out as planned.”
Acknowledge these truths without judgment. This honesty creates space for healing.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
What’s rarely talked about is the grief that comes with unmet expectations. When something you deeply desired hasn’t materialized, it’s normal to feel sadness, loss, or even envy.
Maybe you worked tirelessly for a goal that never materialized. Or perhaps, just as you got close, it slipped away. Seeing others achieve what you want so effortlessly can feel like a gut punch.
If you struggle with envy, I’ve written an eBook on overcoming envy that might resonate with you.
Show Yourself Compassion
When life doesn’t go as planned, self-criticism often creeps in. Instead of beating yourself up, take a compassionate approach:
- “I know I need to accept my reality, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.”
- “I am doing my best, and I trust that there is a reason this hasn’t happened yet.”
Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. Compassion creates space for clarity and new possibilities.
Identify & Heal Negative Emotions
To move forward, you must first recognize what emotions are present:
- Shame: Do you feel unworthy because things didn’t work out?
- Disappointment: Are you upset with yourself, others, or the universe?
- Resentment: Do you feel bitterness toward those who have what you desire?
Instead of suppressing these emotions, explore them. Ask each one, “What lesson do you have for me?” “What am I believing about myself right now?”
If shame is present, counter it with deep self-compassion. Allow kindness to take up space. Then, reassess your situation—what shifts? What new perspectives emerge?
Action Step: Write down your emotional discoveries and reflect on how self-compassion changes your outlook.
Replace Resistance with Magic
Now, let’s flip the script. Life didn’t go as planned, but what unexpected blessings have emerged?
- What experiences, relationships, or growth have unfolded because of this detour?
- What came easily to you that you didn’t have to fight for?
- In what ways has life surprised you in a positive way?
Write them down and really feel into these moments. Let this be proof that sometimes, life reroutes us for a reason.
Now, take it one step further. Instead of forcing full acceptance, replace just 1% of your resistance with magic.
- Imagine what it would feel like to let in just a tiny amount of trust in the unknown.
- Breathe into that energy. Relax your shoulders. Feel into the possibility that something good is on its way.
Just 1% of openness can shift your energy in profound ways. Let it be small, but let it be pure.
Final Thoughts
If life hasn’t gone as planned, you’re not alone. Grieve what you’ve lost, show yourself kindness, explore your emotions, and create space for new possibilities. And when you’re ready, invite just a little bit of magic in.
You never know what’s waiting for you just beyond your expectations.
