We all know that uncomfortable, gnawing feeling. The moment we scroll past someone’s glowing highlight reel on social media or witness a friend living a version of the dream we secretly long for. Envy creeps in like a shadow, uninvited and unwelcome. We often try to suppress it, shame ourselves for feeling it, or pretend it doesn’t exist. But what if envy isn’t the enemy? What if it’s a messenger?
In this post, we’ll take a compassionate look at envy—what it really means, why it arises, and how you can use it as a powerful tool for transformation. This is not about shaming or fixing yourself, but about becoming more intimate with your own soul’s desires.
Step One: Separate Yourself from the Envy
Before you can begin to work with envy, you must separate yourself from it. That may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. You are not your envy. Envy is an emotion, a signal, not an identity. You can observe it without becoming it.
Imagine you are watching yourself from a distance. Picture yourself experiencing envy, but as if you’re watching a character in a movie. What is this character feeling? What triggered the emotion? Allow yourself to notice without judgment. This simple act of witnessing gives you space to work with the emotion rather than be consumed by it.
When you separate yourself from envy, you gain clarity. You begin to understand that it’s not a flaw in your character but a pointer toward something meaningful.
Step Two: What Is Your Envy Telling You About Your Dreams?
Here lies the magic: envy reveals desire.
Instead of pushing away that uncomfortable feeling, lean in. Ask yourself: What is this envy telling me about what I want? Be honest and specific.
Do you envy someone who travels the world freely? Maybe it’s not the destinations that spark the envy, but the sense of freedom and spontaneity you crave.
Do you envy a friend who just published a book? Perhaps it’s not the book itself, but the courage to speak their truth or the recognition of their voice.
Do you feel envy toward someone in a deeply loving relationship? Look beyond the label of “relationship” and examine what it represents to you. Is it safety? Emotional intimacy? A sense of being truly seen? Embodying self-love?
Your envy is a flashlight illuminating what you deeply desire but may have felt afraid to claim.
Step Three: What Are You Judging in Yourself?
Often, envy is entangled with self-judgment. As we admire (and secretly covet) what someone else has, we simultaneously criticize ourselves for not having it.
I’m too late. I should have done more by now. Why can they have that and not me?
Behind these judgments lies a belief that we are somehow lacking or unworthy. Take a moment to identify the critical voice in your head. What is it saying? Whose voice does it remind you of?
Now ask yourself: Would I speak to a dear friend this way?
The more we judge ourselves, the harder it becomes to listen to our desires with compassion. Begin the process of unhooking from those old judgments. Recognize that your timeline, your path, and your process are not supposed to look like anyone else’s.
Step Four: Accepting Where You Are on Your Journey
Envy can only thrive when we resist where we are. When we see our current situation as a “failure” or as “not enough,” we look to others as proof of our inadequacy.
But what if you were to meet yourself exactly where you are, as you are, and say: This is enough for now.
This doesn’t mean you stop growing or dreaming. It means you make peace with the present moment. Acceptance is not resignation—it is the fertile soil from which true transformation grows.
Ask yourself: What is the gift of this current season of my life? Maybe you’re in a season of healing, integration, or recalibration. Maybe you’re in a quiet phase before a great creative bloom. Whatever it is, it’s valid and necessary.
You are not behind. You are becoming.
Step Five: Send Yourself Love and Compassion
When we feel envy, our instinct is to shut ourselves down. To scold ourselves for not being good enough. But what if the opposite were true? What if envy is the moment you need your own love the most?
Pause and place your hand over your heart. Whisper something kind to yourself, like:
I am allowed to want more. I am doing the best I can with what I know. My time is coming.
Imagine sending yourself the same compassion you would offer a child who feels left out or unseen. Let it wash over you.
Your self-kindness does not make you lazy or unambitious—it makes you strong enough to keep going.
Step Six: Send Yourself the Emotion You Imagine They Have
One of the most healing steps you can take is this: identify the emotion you think the other person is experiencing that you wish you had.
Maybe they look joyful, confident, radiant, fulfilled. Whatever it is, instead of believing it’s exclusive to them, try this instead:
Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and send that same emotion to yourself.
Say: I call in joy. I welcome confidence. I allow fulfillment to find me now.
You are not disconnected from the qualities you admire in others. They live in you. And often, the moment you feel envy is the moment your soul is knocking, reminding you of what’s possible.
Closing Reflections: Envy as a Portal to Purpose
Envy is not a sign that you are failing. It is not a character flaw. It is a sacred signal.
It shows you what matters to you. It reveals your buried desires. It points to places where you long to be seen, held, expanded.
The key is to slow down and listen.
By separating yourself from envy, looking at what it’s truly about, examining your self-judgment, accepting your journey, and offering yourself love and compassion, you turn what once felt shameful into sacred fuel.
And perhaps most importantly, you learn to trust your longing instead of fighting it.
Because in the end, envy doesn’t mean you want what someone else has. It means you’re ready to become more of who you truly are.
So, the next time envy whispers in your ear, listen closely. It may just be your soul speaking.
